Please tell me your September, October, and November birthdays. I will place them in my birthday journal.

My birthday is Nov. 17, and I'll be 14. But... I'm not excited. I'm scared.

So much shit has been happening between me, my friends, and my family. Those who used to be there for me aren't.

I have a sick friend; a suicidal friend; an upset friend; my grandpa is weak from his radiation for cancer, and might die; my mom is stressed, and taking out her frustration at us; I miss my old life.

Thumper is losing hair allover. she hasn't been scratching, and is even losing hair when she can't reach, and her skin is raw. Dad won't take her to the vet.

I'm worried sick about everything going on, I barely think of myself. Dammit, I'm a curse. Everyone around me is pissed at me and all have issues of their own - and prayers aren't working.

Is God even real? Where are You in my darkest years?

In April, I'll have had this headache for 2 years, and that's the month of my dad and Thumper's birthday, and my cousin, Anita, wedding.

I don't even care about all of my family having kids, when I should be happy. Instead I'm drowning in my sea of sorrow.

Fuck everything. I want my life back.

What the hell did I do? What the hell do I do to fix this?